Many people come to therapy saying, “I don’t know who I am anymore.”
This feeling often emerges after major life transitions — burnout, grief, the end of a relationship, becoming a parent, a career shift, a spiritual awakening, or simply years of living according to others’ expectations.
On the surface, it can feel confusing or frightening. You may recognise that the old version of you no longer fits, but you don’t yet know what’s taking its place. There can be a sense of emptiness, disorientation, or even grief for who you once were.
Yet this experience, while uncomfortable, is deeply human — and often meaningful.
When identities fall away
Much of who we think we are is shaped by roles, relationships, survival strategies, and cultural conditioning. Over time, these identities can become restrictive, especially if they formed in response to what was needed rather than what was true.
When these layers begin to loosen, it can feel as though the ground has disappeared beneath your feet. Questions arise:
Who am I without this role?
What do I want now?
What truly matters to me now?
This period of not-knowing is often misinterpreted as something being wrong. In reality, it’s frequently a sign of growth.
The discomfort of the in-between
The liminal space between old identities and new ways of being can feel destabilising. There may be anxiety, sadness, or a longing for clarity and certainty. Many people try to rush this process — to quickly define themselves again, to regain a sense of control. I know this space well from personal experience.
But identity doesn’t always reveal itself through force or logic.
Sometimes it emerges through slowing down, listening inwardly, and allowing space for what is forming beneath the surface.
A transpersonal and integrative view of identity
Integrative Therapy understands identity as fluid, layered, and evolving. Rather than seeing the self as a fixed concept, this approach recognises that who you are is shaped by inner experience, meaning, values, and relationship to something greater than the ego alone.
Instead of asking “Who should I be?” the work gently explores:
What feels true now?
What feels alive or meaningful?
What is asking to be expressed?
This isn’t about forcing a new label or role, but about reconnecting with your inner compass — your values, felt sense, and authentic impulses.
Accessing deeper self-knowledge
Altered states accessed through practices such as hypnotherapy, meditation, breathwork, or guided inner exploration can support this process. These states naturally quiet external noise and habitual thinking, allowing deeper layers of awareness to emerge.
In these spaces, people often reconnect with:
intuition and inner knowing
forgotten desires or creative impulses
emotional truths that haven’t had a voice
a sense of meaning or purpose beyond roles
This is not about escaping reality — it’s about meeting yourself more honestly.
Reconnection happens gently
Reconnecting with yourself is rarely a single moment of clarity. It’s a gradual unfolding — moments of recognition, subtle shifts, and growing trust in your inner guidance.
You don’t need to have it all figured out to be on the right path.
Not knowing who you are isn’t something to fix or overcome. It’s often a threshold — a doorway into a more authentic relationship with yourself.
The beginning of remembering
If you’re in this space, it may help to know that you’re not broken or lost. You’re in transition.
And while the uncertainty can feel unsettling, it also holds immense potential. With support, curiosity, and compassion, this period can become one of the most meaningful chapters of your life.
Not knowing who you are anymore is often the beginning of remembering.
If you would like to explore how I can walk with you through this liminal space and help guide you back to your true self, you can book a free connection call with me below: